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Things in our country run in spite of government, not by aid of it.
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On account of being a democracy and run by the people, we are the only nation in the world that has to keep a government four years, no matter what it does.
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I don’t make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts.
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Be thankful we’re not getting all the government we’re paying for.
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Ohio claims they are due a president as they haven’t had one since Taft. Look at the United States, they have not had one since Lincoln.
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This country has come to feel the same when Congress is in session as when the baby gets hold of a hammer.
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Ancient Rome declined because it had a Senate, now what’s going to happen to us with both a House and a Senate?
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When you put down the good things you ought to have done, and leave out the bad ones you did do well, that’s Memoirs.
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We are all here for a spell, get all the good laughs you can.
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It’s a good thing we don’t get all the government we pay for.
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An economist’s guess is liable to be as good as anybody else’s.
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Don’t gamble take all your savings and buy some good stock and hold it till it goes up, then sell it. If it don’t go up, don’t buy it.
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Instead of giving money to found colleges to promote learning, why don’t they pass a constitutional amendment prohibiting anybody from learning anything? If it works as good as the Prohibition one did, why, in five years we would have the smartest race of people on earth.
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Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.
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If I studied all my life, I couldn’t think up half the number of funny things passed in one session of congress.
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Everything is funny, as long as it’s happening to somebody else.
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I’m not a real movie star. I’ve still got the same wife I started out with twenty-eight years ago.
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I never expected to see the day when girls would get sunburned in the places they now do.
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Be thankful we’re not getting all the government we’re paying for.
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I am not a member of any organized political party. I am a Democrat.