I never worry about being driven to drink I just worry about being driven home.


W. C. Fields

896

All the men in my family were bearded, and most of the women.


W. C. Fields

896

Women are like elephants. I like to look at ’em, but I wouldn’t want to own one.


W. C. Fields

896

No doubt exists that all women are crazy it’s only a question of degree.


W. C. Fields

896

You can’t trust water: Even a straight stick turns crooked in it.


W. C. Fields

896

Reminds me of my safari in Africa. Somebody forgot the corkscrew and for several days we had to live on nothing but food and water.


W. C. Fields

896

There comes a time in the affairs of man when he must take the bull by the tail and face the situation.


W. C. Fields

896

If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There’s no point in being a damn fool about it.


W. C. Fields

896

Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.


W. C. Fields

896

Hell, I never vote for anybody, I always vote against.


W. C. Fields

896

Set up another case bartender! The best thing for a case of nerves is a case of Scotch.


W. C. Fields

896

The best cure for insomnia is to get a lot of sleep.


W. C. Fields

896

It’s morally wrong to allow a sucker to keep his money.


W. C. Fields

896

A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.


W. C. Fields

896

All the men in my family were bearded, and most of the women.


W. C. Fields

896

Sleep - the most beautiful experience in life - except drink.


W. C. Fields

896

Never try to impress a woman, because if you do she’ll expect you to keep up the standard for the rest of your life.


W. C. Fields

896

Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.


W. C. Fields

896

When we have lost everything, including hope, life becomes a disgrace, and death a duty.


W. C. Fields

896

I never worry about being driven to drink I just worry about being driven home.


W. C. Fields

896

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