The mystery of government is not how Washington works but how to make it stop.


P. J. O’Rourke

896

Whatever it is that the government does, sensible Americans would prefer that the government does it to somebody else. This is the idea behind foreign policy.


P. J. O’Rourke

896

The Democrats are the party that says government will make you smarter, taller, richer, and remove the crabgrass on your lawn. The Republicans are the party that says government doesn’t work and then they get elected and prove it.


P. J. O’Rourke

896

Feeling good about government is like looking on the bright side of any catastrophe. When you quit looking on the bright side, the catastrophe is still there.


P. J. O’Rourke

896

Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys.


P. J. O’Rourke

896

I think it’s been hard for people to understand how Islam can be a good religion, and yet the Islamists are evil. Those of us who have had experience with Islam understand this, just as we understand the difference between snake handlers and people going to church on Sunday morning.


P. J. O’Rourke

896

Always read something that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it.


P. J. O’Rourke

896

Feeling good about government is like looking on the bright side of any catastrophe. When you quit looking on the bright side, the catastrophe is still there.


P. J. O’Rourke

896

The good news is that, according to the Obama administration, the rich will pay for everything. The bad news is that, according to the Obama administration, you’re rich.


P. J. O’Rourke

896

Politics are for foreigners with their endless wrongs and paltry rights. Politics are a lousy way to get things done. Politics are, like God’s infinite mercy, a last resort.


P. J. O’Rourke

896

As I get older, all sorts of things become less funny. Once one has children, any cruelty involving children becomes far less amusing than when one was at the mercy of one’s friends’ and relatives’ children.


P. J. O’Rourke

896

Never fight an inanimate object.


P. J. O’Rourke

896

Because of their size, parents may be difficult to discipline properly.


P. J. O’Rourke

896

Cleanliness becomes more important when godliness is unlikely.


P. J. O’Rourke

896

Everybody knows how to raise children, except the people who have them.


P. J. O’Rourke

896

A very quiet and tasteful way to be famous is to have a famous relative. Then you can not only be nothing, you can do nothing too.


P. J. O’Rourke

896

My wife and I both come from Irish families. There are two kinds of Irish families: the hitting kind and the kidding kind. If you’re fortunate - and both of us are - you come from the kidding kind of Irish family.


P. J. O’Rourke

896

Family love is messy, clinging, and of an annoying and repetitive pattern, like bad wallpaper.


P. J. O’Rourke

896

The idea of capitalism is not just success but also the failure that allows success to happen.


P. J. O’Rourke

896

Ideology, politics and journalism, which luxuriate in failure, are impotent in the face of hope and joy.


P. J. O’Rourke

896

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