When buying and selling are controlled by legislation, the first things to be bought and sold are legislators.


P. J. O’Rourke

896

The Democrats are the party that says government will make you smarter, taller, richer, and remove the crabgrass on your lawn. The Republicans are the party that says government doesn’t work and then they get elected and prove it.


P. J. O’Rourke

896

The good news is that, according to the Obama administration, the rich will pay for everything. The bad news is that, according to the Obama administration, you’re rich.


P. J. O’Rourke

896

Never wear anything that panics the cat.


P. J. O’Rourke

896

Little islands of human happiness, peace, and prosperity are so exceptional at this point in history that I’m not even sure we can draw lessons from them.


P. J. O’Rourke

896

We need a government, alas, because of the nature of humans.


P. J. O’Rourke

896

I think it’s been hard for people to understand how Islam can be a good religion, and yet the Islamists are evil. Those of us who have had experience with Islam understand this, just as we understand the difference between snake handlers and people going to church on Sunday morning.


P. J. O’Rourke

896

All change is bad. But sometimes it has to be done.


P. J. O’Rourke

896

There are plenty of problems in the world, and doubtless climate change - or whatever the currently voguish phrase for it all is - certainly is one of them. But it’s low on my list.


P. J. O’Rourke

896

Satire doesn’t effect change.


P. J. O’Rourke

896

Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys.


P. J. O’Rourke

896

You don’t despair about something like the Middle East, you just do the best you can.


P. J. O’Rourke

896

I realised the bohemian life was not for me. I would look around at my friends, living like starving artists, and wonder, ’Where’s the art?’ They weren’t doing anything. And there was so much interesting stuff to do, so much fun to be had... maybe I could even quit renting.


P. J. O’Rourke

896

People are always angry at America. They’re absolutely certain that America either caused their problems or is deliberately not fixing their problems. But the anger is always directed at America and never at Americans.


P. J. O’Rourke

896

You can’t get rid of poverty by giving people money.


P. J. O’Rourke

896

Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys.


P. J. O’Rourke

896

There is one thing women can never take away from men. We die sooner.


P. J. O’Rourke

896

Staying married may have long-term benefits. You can elicit much more sympathy from friends over a bad marriage than you ever can from a good divorce.


P. J. O’Rourke

896

Anyway, no drug, not even alcohol, causes the fundamental ills of society. If we’re looking for the source of our troubles, we shouldn’t test people for drugs, we should test them for stupidity, ignorance, greed and love of power.


P. J. O’Rourke

896

Children must be considered in a divorce considered valuable pawns in the nasty legal and financial contest that is about to ensue.


P. J. O’Rourke

896

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