My ambition was to stop waiting tables. That was how I measured success: finally, I was able to stop waiting tables, and I was able to pay the rent, and that was by being a stand-up comic. Not a very good stand-up comic, but good enough to make a living.


Graham Norton

896

Because society places a value on masculinity, gay men aspire to it. If you go to a gay club and the doorman says, ’You do realise this is a gay club, don’t you lads?’ you get all excited because you think, ’Wow, he thought I was straight!’


Graham Norton

896

I always say I’d rather be miserable by myself than unhappy in a relationship.


Graham Norton

896

Straight men just can’t imagine the bliss of being in a relationship with someone who finds farting as funny as they do.


Graham Norton

896

It’s amazing how I can just ramble on for hours, isn’t it? And so unentertaining or uninteresting. But I can ramble on for hours. It’s a sort of terrible gift, isn’t it?


Graham Norton

896

All my day is spent dealing with other people. When I come home I like it to be empty. The presence of others in my house kind of annoys me. I love coming home and shutting the doors. I feel brain dead. I’m relatively available, but not to live with.


Graham Norton

896

Straight men just can’t imagine the bliss of being in a relationship with someone who finds farting as funny as they do.


Graham Norton

896

The people I want are very famous and very rich, and all I can offer them is a bit of exposure on TV and a bit of cash, so it’s a miracle we get any guests at all. But we have been very lucky.


Graham Norton

896

My parents grew up working class, but in that way that working class families do, they spent a fortune on education to better me.


Graham Norton

896

I’m often dating people, but I don’t say it because you sort of know it won’t last long.


Graham Norton

896

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