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Bill Vaughan

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Now that women are jockeys, baseball umpires, atomic scientists, and business executives, maybe someday they can master parallel parking.



Man is the animal that intends to shoot himself out into interplanetary space, after having given up on the problem of an efficient way to get himself five miles to work and back each day.



Suburbia is where the developer bulldozes out the trees, then names the streets after them.



The Vice-Presidency is sort of like the last cookie on the plate. Everybody insists he won’t take it, but somebody always does.



A real patriot is the fellow who gets a parking ticket and rejoices that the system works.



I’m an actor. And I guess I’ve done so many movies I’ve achieved some high visibility. But a star? I guess I still think of myself as kind of a worker ant.



It would be nice if the poor were to get even half of the money that is spent in studying them.



Now that women are jockeys, baseball umpires, atomic scientists, and business executives, maybe someday they can master parallel parking.



Youth is when you’re allowed to stay up late on New Year’s Eve. Middle age is when you’re forced to.



Money won’t buy happiness, but it will pay the salaries of a large research staff to study the problem.



We hope that, when the insects take over the world, they will remember with gratitude how we took them along on all our picnics.



The wonderful world of home appliances now makes it possible to cook indoors with charcoal and outdoors with gas.



Money won’t buy happiness, but it will pay the salaries of a large research staff to study the problem.



Money won’t buy happiness, but it will pay the salaries of a large research staff to study the problem.



Muscles come and go flab lasts.



Economists report that a college education adds many thousands of dollars to a man’s lifetime income - which he then spends sending his son to college.